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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Spit
Clean
Humor
Full
Forget
Funny
People
Whistle

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You never see a smiling runner.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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No comment is a comment.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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