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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Whistle
Spit
Clean
Humor
Full
Forget
Funny

More quotes by George Carlin

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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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