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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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Language always gives you away.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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