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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Politics
Games
Church
Religion
Admission
Everyone
Churches
Else
Atheism
Play
Pay
Like
Game

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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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