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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Pay
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Politics
Games
Church
Religion
Admission
Everyone
Churches
Else
Atheism

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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