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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Politics
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Church
Religion
Admission
Everyone
Churches
Else
Atheism
Play
Pay
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Game
More quotes by George Carlin
Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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