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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Meaning
Stuff
Place
Find
Whole
Trying

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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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