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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Meaning
Stuff
Place
Find
Whole
Trying

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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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