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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Strife
Types
Strive
Type
Environment
Control
Two
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Strives

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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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