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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Avoid
Gold
Play
People
Cards
Teeth
More quotes by George Carlin
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
George Carlin
On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
George Carlin
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
George Carlin
In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
George Carlin
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
George Carlin
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
George Carlin
A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
George Carlin
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin
All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin
