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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Cards
Teeth
Avoid
Gold
Play

More quotes by George Carlin

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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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