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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Added
Paradox
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Living
Years
Make
More quotes by George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Your home is your refuge.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
George Carlin
