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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Paradox
Learned
Living
Years
Make
Life
Added

More quotes by George Carlin

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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
George Carlin
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
George Carlin
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
George Carlin
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
George Carlin
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
George Carlin
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
George Carlin
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Surround yourself with what you love.
George Carlin
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
George Carlin
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
George Carlin
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
George Carlin
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
George Carlin
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
George Carlin
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
George Carlin
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
George Carlin
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
George Carlin
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
George Carlin
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
George Carlin
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
George Carlin