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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Three
Cannot
Kind
People
Andromeda
Bumper
Count
Mathematical
Kinds

More quotes by George Carlin

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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
George Carlin
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
George Carlin
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
George Carlin
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
George Carlin
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
George Carlin
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
George Carlin
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
George Carlin
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
George Carlin
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
George Carlin
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
George Carlin
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
George Carlin
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
George Carlin
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
George Carlin
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
George Carlin
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
George Carlin
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
George Carlin