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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Kinds
Three
Cannot
Kind
People
Andromeda
Bumper
Count
Mathematical

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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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