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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Andromeda
Bumper
Count
Mathematical
Kinds
Three
Cannot
Kind

More quotes by George Carlin

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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
George Carlin
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
George Carlin
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
George Carlin
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
George Carlin
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
George Carlin
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
George Carlin
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin