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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Andromeda
People
Bumper
Count
Mathematical
Kinds
Three
Cannot
Kind

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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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