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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Values
Multiplied
Possessions
Reduced
Paradox
Possession

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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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Life is not that complicated.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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