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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Values
Multiplied
Possessions
Reduced
Paradox
Possession
More quotes by George Carlin
Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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Life is not that complicated.
George Carlin
I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
George Carlin
I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
George Carlin
What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
George Carlin
I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
George Carlin