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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Rest
Fun
Hell
Sarcastic
Funny
Witty
Family
Humorous
Littles
Burning
Little
Soon
Enough
Dead

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Religion is just mind control.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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