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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Planet
Planets
Going
More quotes by George Carlin
When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
George Carlin
We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
George Carlin
No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
George Carlin
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
George Carlin
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
George Carlin
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
George Carlin
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
George Carlin
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
George Carlin
The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George Carlin
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
George Carlin
I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
George Carlin
Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
George Carlin
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
