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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Cancer
Later
Humor
Everybody
Funny
Live
Enough
Long
Sooner

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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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