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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Later
Humor
Everybody
Funny
Live
Enough
Long
Sooner
Cancer

More quotes by George Carlin

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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
George Carlin
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
George Carlin
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
George Carlin
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
George Carlin