Quote

Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Next
Mall
Take
Trips
Country
Malls
County
Trip
Foreign
Guilt
Regret

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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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Hooray for most things!
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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