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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Mall
Take
Trips
Country
Malls
County
Trip
Foreign
Guilt
Regret
More quotes by George Carlin
The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
