Quote

Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Mall
Take
Trips
Country
Malls
County
Trip
Foreign
Guilt
Regret

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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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