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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Asks
Didn
Give
Giving
Really
Buddy
People
Choice
Question
Choices

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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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