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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Choice
Question
Choices
Asks
Didn
Give
Giving
Really
Buddy

More quotes by George Carlin

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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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