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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Didn
Give
Giving
Really
Buddy
People
Choice
Question
Choices
Asks

More quotes by George Carlin

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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
George Carlin
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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