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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Really
Buddy
People
Choice
Question
Choices
Asks
Didn
Give
Giving

More quotes by George Carlin

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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
George Carlin