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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Giving
Really
Buddy
People
Choice
Question
Choices
Asks
Didn
Give

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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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