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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Work
Terrific
Pay
Come

More quotes by George Carlin

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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
George Carlin