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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Unpleasant
Afraid
Words
Speak
Truth
Even
More quotes by George Carlin
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
George Carlin
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
George Carlin
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George Carlin
Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
George Carlin
