Quote

Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Collections
Hey
Pictures
Away
Ernest
Also
Bandages
Used
Nude
Stole
Collection

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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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