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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Pictures
Away
Ernest
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Bandages
Used
Nude
Stole
Collection
Collections
Hey

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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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