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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hey
Pictures
Away
Ernest
Also
Bandages
Used
Nude
Stole
Collection
Collections

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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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No comment is a comment.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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