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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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