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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Religion
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More quotes by George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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