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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Men
Borrow
Intend
Savior
Accepted
Finally
Personal
Jesus
Money

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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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