Quote

I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Finally
Personal
Jesus
Money
Men
Borrow
Intend
Savior
Accepted

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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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