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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Football
Fall
Everything
Season
Life
Begins
Seasons
Baseball
Spring
Dying

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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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