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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Begins
Seasons
Baseball
Spring
Dying
Football
Fall
Everything
Season

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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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Hooray for most things!
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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