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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Begins
Seasons
Baseball
Spring
Dying
Football
Fall
Everything
Season

More quotes by George Carlin

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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
George Carlin
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
George Carlin
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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