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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Begins
Seasons
Baseball
Spring
Dying
Football
Fall
Everything
Season
More quotes by George Carlin
Surround yourself with what you love.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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