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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Spring
Dying
Football
Fall
Everything
Season
Life
Begins
Seasons
Baseball

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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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