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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Line
Behinds
Behind
Lines
Lord
Good
Scrimmage
Tripped
More quotes by George Carlin
We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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