Quote

The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Tripped
Line
Behinds
Behind
Lines
Lord
Good
Scrimmage

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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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