Quote

The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Lines
Lord
Good
Scrimmage
Tripped
Line
Behinds
Behind

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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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