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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Line
Behinds
Behind
Lines
Lord
Good
Scrimmage
Tripped
More quotes by George Carlin
Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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