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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Guatemala
Tropical
Fruit
Show
Shows

More quotes by George Carlin

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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
George Carlin
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
George Carlin
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
George Carlin
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
George Carlin
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
George Carlin