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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Show
Shows
Guatemala
Tropical
Fruit

More quotes by George Carlin

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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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Hooray for most things!
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin