Quote

When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
World
Genuine
Fronts
Notebooks
Front
Ticket
Show
Notebook
Born
Tickets
Given
Seat
Shows
Freak
America
Seats

More quotes by George Carlin

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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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