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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Person
Genuine
Solutions
Listening
Serious
Hear
Talking
Political
Persons

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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Hooray for most things!
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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