Quote

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Like
Fun
Changed
Turn
Dumplings
Happened
Sour
Wrong
Milk
Turns
Aging
Sound
Throw
Makes
Turned

More quotes by George Carlin

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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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