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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Even
Jump
Aging
Ahead
Number
Hold
Numbers
Next
Back
Teens
More quotes by George Carlin
The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
George Carlin
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
George Carlin
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
George Carlin
I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
George Carlin
How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
George Carlin
I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
George Carlin
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin
They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
George Carlin
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
George Carlin
Hooray for most things!
George Carlin
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
George Carlin
What year did Jesus think it was?
George Carlin
