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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Numbers
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Teens
Even
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Aging
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More quotes by George Carlin

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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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