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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin

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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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