Quote

How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Four
Five
Half
Going
Aging
Never
Thirty
Six
Keys

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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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Your home is your refuge.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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