Quote

How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Going
Never
Aging
Thirty
Six
Keys
Four
Five
Half

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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No comment is a comment.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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