Quote

How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thirty
Six
Keys
Four
Five
Half
Going
Never
Aging

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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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