Quote

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Less
Lives
Kids
Years
Fractions
Time
Aging
Excited
Think
Realize
Thinking
Realizing
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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Life is not that complicated.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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